* “Thirty-Six years of counseling and the number 1 thing couples come to me about is money. It’s not just whether you have money, but how you handle money. And certainly when you don’t have it, it becomes a catalyst of a lot of confusion. When you go through a recession, domestic violence goes up, divorce goes up, because pressure pushes things out of you that you didn’t know where in you.”
—-Speaking on Intimacy being the 2nd thing people come to him about:
* I like to define intimacy as “into-me-see”. Intimacy is more than sex. It is SEEING into me and perceiving and understanding who I really am, and what I need. Not just what I said but what I MEANT! So the sexual aspect of it is only the fulfillment of having an intimate relationship with somebody on so many more levels than physicality. Sex is communication and it’s very difficult to communicate with someone to whom you have nothing to say.”
—-Speaking on people saying the most important quality in a marriage being TRUST:
* “See the problem with that is generally men and women mean two different things when they say TRUST. When a women says, “Can I trust you?”, she generally means infidelity. The man on the other hand means, generally.. not always, but he generally means, “I can’t trust her with my heart. I can’t trust her with my secrets because I told her something at a vulnerable moment and she used it against me in a time of battle.” So we’re using the same word, but we’re not communicating the same reality.”
* “The hardest thing for a man to do is to trust you with his emotions. Women think that we don’t have emotions, but we have extremely deep emotions and we’re very protective of them. The other thing is that men don’t talk and when we do talk and verbalize those emotions, the woman has to be quiet enough to allow him to talk. Because communicating emotions is difficult for men. We’ll talk about sex, sports, football and anything else….but our heart we protect even from our conversation.
Speaking on 66% of married couples having thought about divorce at some point in their marriage:
* “It’s very difficult to live in this world where divorce is advertised to you everyday and not think about. My wife and I chose to take the “D” word out of the conversation. It’s just doesn’t come up. But you have to see divorce as an exit ramp okay, it’s gonna change the destination…it’s gonna be a detour for both people. And you don’t take a detour easily, especially when you don’t know where it’s gonna go. So psychology teaches us that divorce is more difficult to deal with emotionally than the death of a spouse. Because when a spouse dies, your secrets die in them. When they leave, your secrets go with them. So you’re laying in the bed wondering which one of your secrets are they talking to somebody else about today.”